Assertiveness: Key to Better Parenting

I have always been aware of my number one weakness: non-assertiveness. But I have come a long way from the time when I couldn't say 'no' to a child molester and not understanding the importance of telling my parents.

At my first job after high school, I had the misfortune of working for someone who told me that I could have it all but with no questions asked. He said so clearly that there were women who slept their way up and I could do the same. He then started to hold me tightly and was already groping all over. I was too stunned to move in the beginning but I did try to push him away. Luckily for me, a security guard walked into the office.

Some guardian angels must be looking out for me. On both incidents, I could have been a statistic. I didn't have the courage to tell anyone but I made a promise to myself that if I should ever climb the corporate ladder, I would do it with my brains.

Unfortunately, my parents didn't have the extra money to put me through four years of university. I worked as a tutor to three kids throughout my tertiary years and with a scholarship loan, I managed to finish my degree in journalism with a second class upper.

I took on the first job that came my way: as a seminar organizer. Again the same old pattern emerged. For six months my boss didn't contribute to my retirement account. I was not aware that it was unlawful. Then she made me answer calls from all the speakers I had invited to give seminars for payments due to them. She had purposely delayed paying them for reasons only known to her. I couldn't see a good future with her, so I quit.

Many of my course mates had joined the newspaper and there was an opening for a cub reporter. I got in and was learning the ropes pretty well at the news desk. Six months later, I was transferred to the features desk.

It was all rosy in the first year and because I was getting familiarized with the work and all, I gladly took on anything that came my way. Not such a smart move really. Whenever my editor asked for a volunteer for some uninteresting articles, no one would do it. And because I had set the pattern for being the obliging one, or rather the one who couldn't say 'no' most of the time, I had to do the assignments. I had never asked for extension of deadlines and I was also the "secretary" who took phone messages for the others. When the time came for assessment and salary increments, I was not the favoured staff. After two agonizing weeks, I finally plucked up enough courage to speak to my editor about it. She merely said: "I was happy with your work. All I did was to recommend (the increments) but really, it was up to the management to decide!"

Would you stay on with a leader who wouldn't stick up for you? I asked for a transfer to the business desk where its editor was a known task master but fair and just.

Six years later, I found myself in a greater challenge. My five-year old daughter was a victim of a class bully at her kindergarten. From the many books on bullying that I read about, I had gathered that so long as the victims were not coached to be assertive and helped to build their self-esteem, the chances of them remaining victims continued into adulthood.

Since then, I have been trying to help my daughter increase her self-esteem. One of the many ways I learnt is to teach a child to love herself. Well, we are still working on her remembering to say: "I love you Mummy. And I love myself too."

I knew repeating this mantra would only help for awhile. One evening driving through a heavy traffic I made up a story to entertain my kids. It was about a six-year old girl named Lulu who would do anything for her friends because she wanted to be liked by them. Lulu didn't like herself much because she didn't think her kind-heartedness amounted much. "Now, if you were Lulu, do you suppose your friends would like you if you didn't like yourself in the first place?" I asked my children.

I was surprised even my two and half year old boy simultaneously replied no with his sister.

The story continued with Lulu being asked to pick some fruits from a tree by her friends. As she was climbing up the tree, fiery red ants bit her all over. But because she feared rejection from the others if she quit, she carried on. When she started to yank a bunch of fruits from a branch, she inadvertently dropped a beehive onto the ground.

The story ended with Lulu being hospitalized for bee stings but she learnt an unforgettable lesson about self-love and being assertive.

Now whenever my daughter needs a reminder about self-love, all I need to mention is Lulu.

Pat is a freelance journalist and a mother of two lovely kids. She enjoys writing and sharing her experience of being a mother. You can read more of her writings at KlinikOng.com

Parenting requires perseverance
San Angelo Standard Times, tx - 25 minutes ago
Actually, I think it was more that I was going to be the perfect parent. After all, even before I had children, I knew about original sin. ...

ABC News
Look at Sarah Palin's record, not her parenting
The Grand Rapids Press - MLive.com, MI - 15 hours ago
By Nancy Crawley As Sarah Palin makes the case for being the next vice president, there is one question she should not have to answer: What about the kids? ...
Video: Joe Biden On Palin's Speech CBS
Palin coverage is insulting to mothers Paradise Post
Sarah Smile Spot-On
The Swamp - Tribune's Washington Bureauall 2,374 news articles

Rutter: In parenting policies, the US gets a 'C'
Milford Daily News,  USA - 17 hours ago
But, when it comes to the amount of time parents are entitled to take and the provision of subsidies that make it affordable for workers to take the time to ...

Twin Falls Times-News
Parenting in 'grand' style
LocalNews8.com, ID - 21 hours ago
Then they became more like little Tristn's parents. The couple got legal guardianship of Tristn Griffis after their son divorced the boy's mother, ...
Parenting in 'grand' style Twin Falls Times-News
all 4 news articles

E! Online
Ignore parenting tips from Lynne Spears
Arizona Republic, AZ - Sep 5, 2008
by Suzanne Condie Lambert - Sept. 6, 2008 12:00 AM In the upcoming tell-all - Through the Storm: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World - Mama ...
Don’t Worry Sarah Palin, Jamie Lynn Spears Feels Your Pain hecklerspray
Lynne Spears Orders $60 Worth Of Baby Gift For Sarah Palin's ... AHN
Jamie Lynn Spears sends pink burp cloths to Bristol Palin with a ... Examiner.com
New Republic - Glosslipall 183 news articles

Wayne Bennett backs positive parenting push
Courier Mail, Australia - 8 hours ago
By Melanie Christiansen PARENTS should watch what they do and even how they speak to others in front of their children, Broncos rugby league coach Wayne ...

Parenting classes set for Tuesday
Pittsburg Morning Sun, KS - 17 hours ago
Mt. Carmel Regional Medical Center will host the next session of Parenting 101 at 7 pm Tuesday in dePaul Hall. Parenting 101 is a free class that helps new ...

Parenting taking center stage at seminar
Seguin Gazette-Enterprise, TX - 20 hours ago
By Jessica Sanders An upcoming seminar, “Parenting is Heart Work,” doesn’t offer a cure-all for parenting problems, but does provide a unique approach ...

Obama Campaign National Finance Committee Member Criticizes ...
ABC News - Sep 5, 2008
Gutman said the issue wasn't one of gender but one of parenting – regardless of the gender of the parent. "This has nothing to do with gender, whether Todd ...

Parenting takes toll on teens
Louisville Courier-Journal, KY - 13 hours ago
"And it's crazy to know somebody depends on you the way that you depend on your parent." Spears, the Academy Award-nominated film "Juno," the pregnant teen ...

Empty Nest Syndrome

Paula's last child had just gone off to college and Paula was struggling with a... Read More

Do You Have the Loving Relationship With Your Children That You Desire?

Most people with children want to be good parents. The majority of parents want the... Read More

Pregnancy and Excercising - 6 Reasons to Excercise During Pregnancy

Everyone knows that exercise is good for your health. Exercising during pregnancy can have additional... Read More

How to Assist Troubled Teens

What parents of a teen haven't wondered where their sweet child went and who the... Read More

How to Create an Attitude of Cooperation

Having been a parent educator and a PBS consultant for Ready to Learn for many... Read More

Don?t Make Fast and Furious Food Changes

OK, moms and dads out there, we hear you when you say, my children won't... Read More

Healthy Eating For Children: Six Simple Rules

Rule #1 Make Every Bite Count!Everything your child eats should be nutritious. Children can be... Read More

Keeping Your Children Safe

The purpose of this article is to address some of the key points parents need... Read More

Parenting

This article on parenting is by a practicing relationship counsellor/therapist, and father.The following suggestions will... Read More

What Are Your Children Really Watching?

Saturday mornings. Cold cereal and Scooby Doo. How many parents started out our childhood weekends... Read More